This is a post which i will delete at some point but i need somewhere to vent!! Oil paint, grrrrrrrrrr! I have been covered in smelly sticky paint all weekend! And for what a dead painting!
A dead hateful painting which has ruined my curtains, about 2 dresses and my jeans, not even mentioning my destroyed carpet! Why do my paintings never love me back!? Painting is seriously making me feel defeated. Do you really talented people ever feel this way!!!!!!! There is no way I'll ever make it to art school at the rate this is going. Really I feel utterly miserable. I don't see why I can't be one of those people that just understands technique, I really can't. I don't know how to break through to my inner artist zen! Any suggestions? Because I'm pretty much going insane sitting here covering my keyboard in paint. Sorry Roz I don't have your decency not to demolish the blog with my ranting :)
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7 comments:
Maya,
My sculpture fell on its face. The nose is flatter than ever before; the eyebrows are elongated pancakes; the carefully constructed web of hair is like crushed spaghetti.
And that's okay with me, because I hated it.
And I am going to plug my mouth with clay and jump in the river.
No, just kidding. Yes. We all feel like that. It's all part of the process.
I'm sorry about your sculpture it was sooo lovely :(
Yeah the painting may yet find it's end in a bonfire :)
But I'm feeling significantly better today, it must be the artistic temperament thing.
I finally understand why Van Gogh cut off his ear :)
Thanks though you cheered me up.
Art sucks. Plain and simply. Even if you painted something perfectly beautiful and insightful, somebody would find something horrible to say about it.
And chances are, that person would be yourself.
I think every artist who truly wants to become better hits these artistic blocks every once in a while, and sometimes even more than once in a while. I know I've hit a ton. It was hands and feet for quite a while, and then trees, and now it's still trees--and colors and composition. I'm still struggling with connecting hands and feet to the arms and legs.
And sometimes, days go by, and I fill pages and pages in my sketchbook and look back at it and just want to quit--especially when I go and look at the work of artists both past and present. It feels hopeless.
As artists, I think people don't realize how much we sacrifice to do what we do. They don't see the sweat, the dirtiness, eraser shavings, charcoal blackened hands, the hundreds of pages of practice, the oil, the turpentine, the smelliness, every brushstroke, every pencil line, the hours at night that pass as we sit alone filling blank spaces with colors and failing every time to match what we see in our heads. All they see are the best pieces of work we produce, the ones that we feel are not as bad as the rest. And then, they attribute it to talent, which, in my opinion, is a horrid oversimplification of art.
But if asked if I thought it was worth it, I would say yes, definitely. Sure, I don't have much of a life outside of school and art, but...it's incredible being able to envision something, and create it, and see it unfold in front of your own eyes. It's a release from the suppression of individuality in a world that loves standardization and mediocrity. Would it really be better to spend an hour watching some reality show mindlessly, or would it be better to spend five struggling with a painting and the elusive image in your head? I'll take a wild stab, but as frustrated as you are, I think you'll agree with me that the struggle was worth more than how you could have spent your time.
And Roz, I'm so sorry about your sculpture. I hope that you'll find a way to bring it back to life.
Oh yes, and if you plug your mouth with clay, you should also plug your nose with it too. Just don't sneeze; people might think you're having an attack of explosive boogers. ;-). Sorry for the elementary school humor.
Shem that was beautiful. Your romantic side is showing. How inspiring and well said. I know talent takes time and effort, and I know you must work really hard to be as good as you are, I admire your dedication more than anything. I was planing on deleting that post today so the blog could remain eternally unspoiled but now with your passion filled column I don't think I ever will. Thank you, your right painting is worth the pain. I feel embarrassed looking back at my little rant it seems so petty now.
P.S- Or we could delete my rant and post your speech while saving the blog and making your comment our vision statement.
You shouldn't delete the post Maya, and you shouldn't feel bad about it.
This blog was intended to be very informal. The intention was to have a blog where we wouldn't be afraid to show even our worst work, even our worst thoughts about how things were going. It was also intended to be a place where, if we ever felt like we were out of things to draw, out of juice, out of whatever it is that we need to keep us going, we could get recharged, just because we're so drawn together (no pun intended) by our art.
Like Roz said about Leo's class, how we were all a part of that--I think we've grown to be a part of something even more specific. I mean, it's pretty cool...most things that I set up like this end within a matter of weeks. And I think it's the informality of it all, just being bare about how we feel about our own stuff--I think that's what makes this work. It's also nice to see each other develop and change over time. And if we do a good job, it'll be a nice documentation of all of our artistic journeys over the years.
I want to see this "ruined hateful painting"
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